I'm watching that movie with those two people that just love to use their computer for some kind of entertainment, but not because they love to use their computers, no, their computers are only the medium that their entertainment passes through.
I can barely fathom this... Thre are poele out there using computers not because its a computer but for what it gets them access to, another corner of their life. Wow that bugs me because I just don't use computers like that.
I can't even remember why its fun to use these stupid things... As the years wind on this trajectory I always live out the same old pattern, what starts off as exciting and challenging turns into a druge... a passionless drudge that really leaves me wonder what on earth else I can do and the truth seems to be that there is nothing else tht I know how to do so well, and this bores the hell out of me.
There's stuff I'd like to explore with computers but why, why, why bother, someone else's ideas always come first... Someone else always has all the trump cards!
Why, why bother?
Standing by letting others wash away your passion and creativity is simply the worst thing... and what makes it even worse is that standing by makes me complicit with this whole mess.
It's not like I need a bigger reward, no, I just *want*a*reward* -- a single one. Sure I get paid but it doesn't matter how good or bad I do my job, as long as I do what my boss asks for then I keep getting cheques, that's what i'm getting paid for, not to be brilliant or creative or clever. I get paid to do what my boss says I should do. Period. That's no reward, that's merely the bargain we all strike with our employers.
...But that's not enough. I want a rank. I want to be measured against the best and brightest and I want to surpass them... Not to show them up, but because I know I can pass them when I'm working my hardest and by surpassing them I'm giving as much back or more than they ever did. I got good work to do and I'm looking for the opprtunity to do it.
If there's one thing that's clearer to me now than when I woke up this morning is that I can't wait for the opportunity to find me.
I must go and look for it.
Take that, stupid email movie.
Tags: criticism, office politics, coding